life kicks @$%

exploration keeps me sane. this last weekend i got to go visit a couple of Wwoof host farms. one in Corbett, OR and one in Beaverton, OR... so basically both are in BFE land, but of course that is where the good farming is going to be. The first was called Growing Seeds and had so many pigs running around. super nice man owned it and they had a lot of random projects going on. Next one was called Boondockers Farm and it was glorious. The nicest 30 something year old couple who have been farming for years and love it. They have 6 Pyrenees massive dogs and i am in love with them. i am stoked to be surrounded by nature and doggies every day for a month. downside is i have to help kill duckies :'(  but if you are going to produce/eat meat it is best to know where it came from and if it was happy and healthy. so that will be interesting.
.. in between these farm visits i ran off to Portlandia! it was kind of a shit show trying to park my van and ride the transit line in but once there i relaxed and starting exploring. i am realizing lately that it takes very little to keep me entertained (unless we are talking about people) but as far as being in a new place, i can just wander for hours and not hardly do shit but love every minute of it! i am aware that i look pretty little and innocent and so some very kind weirdos asked me if i needed a tour around the city no thanks and i was told i was pretty but many a smelly folk. ha. appreciated. slept in my van in some sketch area and awoke the next day to a billion degree weather and riding the transit into town with some adorable little black kids singing and playing drums.

went to powell's city of books (glorious) and let's be honest, the thing i know best to do is to wander into a new pub and get a beer. also checked out some lovely vintage shops and and wandered a bit more (my feet were killin) on about my 4th beer met some super nerdy gay (but not) guys (and not sketch) who offered to pay for everything of mine throughout the night/weemorning if i would hang out with them?? OKAY, deal! much more walking + drinks + dancing later i awoke to a gorgeous view of the city. and i was still alive. good times.

... this last chunk of life has been really good to just have a lot of alone soul wilderness exploration time and i am very appreciative for all of the generous people who have previously been in my life or who are entering it now. thanks pals.
... breathe in. breathe out. stretch a bit. tell yourself in the mirror that you are kick ass and i love you frequently and you are guaranteed to feel better in no time. <3

life discoveries and sh*t

well well well.... this Oregon life is just filling my days with new discoveries. one being that while i have currently been jobless and penniless, the highlights of my day have become the morning coffee shop internet sesh as in 11 am, and let me just say that the music they play at this one is all cultural and makes al and i just want to get up on the tables and belly dance.. i'm sure everyone would appreciate that, right? ... then there is usually a little bike ride in the surrounding areas close to the cabin - so lovely and green and trippy foresty like, and i never knew how many people actually live in this little Brightwood .. and then usually a movie while i fill out about 376 applications a day while i eat PB&H constantly since i can afford only that.  and the usual drinking, card games, and reading outside with the pals commencing in the eve.... livin the good life ;)

free spirit cruiser

... except for yesterday... ha... had a lovely chunk taken out of my tire somehow so had to take it to walmart (suck it) to get a new one for free.. yep, cuz i have road hazard insurance stuff... so go to take it in, they say they wont drive it because there are wires hanging down (not open scary ones) that are hazardous and i ask if i can drive it in.. nope... little babies... so only option to get it replaced is al and i have to take it off ourselves and hand it to them and wait until they are done and then put it back on and drive away like happy little customers... we were pissed, especially since we had already been waiting forever just readin cosmo sitting in the aisles... so i go buy us little tiny wine bottles and we start scoping out men who look friendly to ask to help... it was a process and i am bitter about it... ha... but we handled it and are good to go... on the way home, just feelin friendly, picked up some hitchhikers to return some good karma back into the universe....

moving on - sometimes i wanna freak out and feel a tad lonely here buuutt i'm reading this book called you can heal your life and its lovely and takes you through a process of becoming aware of your thoughts and how they create your reality and all this good stuff... read it .... 
but moving out here and just clearing my head has been awesome. i'm finally getting a grip on the things i really want in life and just doing things for myself and no one else... its been real healthful to just release old grudges and weirdness that happens in the crazy mind and just learn to live in the moment and effin chill out sometimes.... cuz we all need a reminder.

jump to this point in time

k well.... it's been a minute since i thought about blogging. and i was planning to stay so caught up on it this little trip.. but of course i have been preoccupied.. and my few week journey so far has been nothing of what i expected. which is good.... 
we were supposed to leave the first week of june. didnt happen. that led to a lot of sitting around, jobless, in heebs, waiting on people to do all this promised shit on the van. didnt happen. ha. but its all good. erin and i champed it and the amazing mike bardole hooked it up. we worked with him on the van (truck) and i learned a whole lot about a lot and we had many good laughs as us tiny girls were covered in grease and changing brakes, wheel barrings, filters, the whole shabang. oh and did i mention mike's sweet playlist blasting as we all sang along and talked trippy philosophy and what not... good times. this process did take a biiit longer than hoped but i got to hang out with my pals and my dog. speaking of my dog, jackson, i had to leave him in kamas :( only for a month or two. on a badass ranch. but i hate it. anyone coming out this way soon feel free to have him tag a long ;)
so after rushing to get everything finished... literally, rushing like mad people.. barely finishing the bed and innards the day before we peaced and packing up the whole thing the next morning... i was delirious.. we spent the first night in reno (not pretty) and then headed to Truckee. that whole week was spent wandering around, many beautiful lake days, margaritas, driving a pal who needed a ride clear out to BFE and heading back to Truckee through Grass Valley (interesting) .... the not so lovely part about this week is that i got a cold and 2 other gnarly infections and had to go home for a week to go to the dr. al and i came back to utah on a train and erin was so kind to stay with the van. while home i got to catch up with my family, go paddle boarding, sleep lots, see my jeffrey, etc. after that week home i was ready to leave again and get headin to oregon, finally! al and i headed back on the train, made it for shays sushi bday, and went straight to oregon. and my is it beautiful. havent even made it to the coast yet but the Mt. Hood/Hood River area is lovely. surrounded by forest and nice people.
after a TON of house hunting we (alexa, oz- her man, and i) are now waiting one more week until we can get into a sick cabin in the woods that we have for a couple of months. woo. sigh of relief. and now all we need are jobs! universe send sweet jobs our way :)
.... every step of this journey has been something totally different than what i had planned for but its all meant to be. even my cargo carrier and rack flying off yesterday and breaking ... so i guess for the next bit i am going to be living in the mt. hood area, not farming yet, and just chilling out in the woods... sounds alright to me.

ah yeah. getting prepped.

so basically.....  ( i say that far too often)
i have decided to start a blog so that i can journal my travels and life process, experience, and thoughts. .. i think it is super healthy to vent all of that shit out so its not all jumbled up in our tiny little heads that get so cluster effed and sometimes who even knows what is happening in there?? .. lately i have just been feeling this undeniable urge to experience new things, to change, to grow, to get out of my comfort zone, and to just not give a shit and learn to just wholly live in the moment. because that is all we have, right? we dont have tomorrow. we just have now.and at the beginning and end of everyday we are with ourselves and if we aren't super stoked about what is going on there then we don't really have shit and i have lived waay too much of my life just in a totally unhealthy state of mind where i was so introverted and critical in my own head, ya know?  time to DITCH that shit!!! woo!
.. i am getting really really stoked for this summer/the coming years of my life.
so in preparation for all of the journeys life is throwin in my lap i am selling my car. my cute little lesbian suby that i love so much! so that i can get a van to live in.. what?? live in a van? um.. okay. cool. sounds good. shower? wash clothes? nope. never. who knows how it will all work out but i'm stoked to just be. 
... i am also selling/giving away a ridiculous amount of my collected shit... i have all of this cute stuff to decorate a house with and now NOWHERE to keep it... so it must move on.. out of boxes.. and to a better, displayed, life. 
... so far the plan is to take a little cruisey ride off to Lake Tahoe at the beginning of June then just wander from there.... organic farm with wwoof for a bit then get a job who knows where so i can afford to go to australia in october for more farming... then next summer join my dear friend morgan donovan in nepal....
alright... sounds like a plan... ha... and i just keep telling the universe that i am grateful that it keeps putting heaps of money in my lap so i can make all of this happen...